What is Wrong With Me???

*The following post comes with a warning.. 

If you are offended by the inappropriate, 

especially in the context of older teenage boys 

(and their minds - heavens..).. 

AND if you are offended that a certain mother finds this freaking hilarious, 

PLEASE I BEG YOU.. read no further..*

[mostly so you won't judge me, and think I'm a bad mom]

As the title states.. What is wrong with me??

My darling daughter, Chelsea received a letter in the mail today.. 

It is from a young man, whom she has never been on a date with, in fact, she has only "hung out" with him a few times.. He is extremely funny, and also happens to like her a lot.. (pretty sure, anyway). She really has no interest in him, other than being his friend, and he has been fine with that.. Still flirts lots, etc..

Did I mention he is currently serving a mission?

Well, he is, and that is where this gets all the more inappropriate.. I am sure this is done mostly in the flirty way.. but *OH MY GOSH* I think this is so funny!!!!

This is actually the first letter he has written, and he left on his mission in August..

(and by the way, Chelsea gave me permission to write all this)

Here is a quote from said letter..

"Ok... so I wrote you a poem, it's my new hobby. I hope you like it, and sorry if it sucks."..

So, without any further adieu.. I present to you.. 

ODE TO CHELSEA

Chelsea, oh Chelsea, you are so good

I'll love you so tender, the way a man should

The first time I saw you, I understood

That I would gladly take you, if I could

Even though it'll never happen, I still would!

Chelsea, oh Chelsea, please by my bud

I'm not a bald loser, like that Elmer Fudd

Actually, I think of myself as a stud

I'm not a vampire, I won't suck your blood

And I'm not a fat cow, I don't chew my cud

Chelsea, lets go have fun and roll in the mud!

Chelsea, oh Chelsea, you are so hot!

At the sight of you my stomach turns into a knot

You're prettier than any bride that I've bought

And probably tastier than a Johnsonville Brat

Chelsea, with cupid's arrow I've been shot

And know I would marry you, right here, on the spot

You're more entertaining than 18 ounces of pot

If I had one, I'd let you ride on my yacht

In fact I would give you all I got

The words on this page, every last dot

Every single last letter, tittle, and jot

I know it's not much, it isn't a lot

But it's the best I can do out here in Wat.. (seka)

I'll marry you someday if you like it or not!

So Chelsea, my Chelsea, please give my your hand

I'm asking you nicely, this is no demand

I love you more than Dave Matthew's Band,

Our honeymoon can be in Hawaii, where we can get tanned,

I know you will love it, it will be so grand

We'll live like Hawaiians and get "lei"ed when we land,

Then head to the beach and make love on the sand. :)

(just a note.. Watseka, is the town he is currently serving in..)

(and he put the smiley at the end, in fact, all punctuation, etc, is his..)

Now, you know the rules.. you read this of your own free will, and you are not allowed to judge me, when I say, I find this one of the funniest things I've ever read, and I'm actually quite impressed with his poetry talent!!

Please.. leave me your opinions.. I'm counting on you, Landee, to be on my side..

Say what?????

They said it couldn't be done..

It's like a medical marvel..

I am amazed..

I am astounded..

I am in shock..

Really, who would have thought it could happen??

Like ever??

IT IS TRUE..

My sister

is pregnant

with a BOY..

Twilight.. In the eyes of a 4th grader..

Yesterday, Savannah (10 years old) finished Twilight.. She really thinks she is something.. But the funniest part? She found it on the reading counts list at school and took the test on it Monday (before she finished - What the?).. 

Well, she got a 10/10! (Okay, she said the movie helped her on the test - she's seen it twice).. But still! 

AND it was a 25 point book! (and apparently there's something in the reading counts store she has been dying for that is 13 points! (I can hardly wait to see what treasure it is!)

She started New Moon last night.. And I have a feeling she will soon be sporting those shnazzy tattoos inside.. (somehow Chelsea & I never got around to applying them to ourselves.. bummer!) Again, realllllly thinks she's fabulous that she's moving on to the 2nd book.. 

I told her when she started Twilight I wouldn't let her read book 4.. Hmmmm... I don't want to tackle the biting pillows conversation just yet..

Wait.. there's more..

She was telling me how fun it is to play Twilight at recess, because there are so many characters.. and went on to name every (every) character in the book.. 

[Apparently, if you play Narnia there are only 4 characters (what happened to the legions of others?) or Little House on the Prairie there are only 5 (agreed, there's only 5 - she's only read the first 2)..]

I have to wonder, is she playing Twilight at recess???

Or just imagining how great it would be to play Twilight at recess???

Will I be labeled a bad mom now? (to add to my list of other reasons?)

• lets 10 year old read Twilight
• has 7 year old that exclusively orders root beer because it looks the most like Diet Coke and mom won't let her order Diet Coke?
• pretty lax on curfews.. very dependent on who she's with.. if mom trusts the boy, I'm very un-strict about this.. (Debbie - I always trusted him!)
• many more.. just wanted to list one specifically for each girly..

Am I this boring?

I want to get on and post SO SO bad!

The problem? I can't think of a dangflabbin thing to write about..

How sad am I?

PLUS it is Tuesday.. My beyond busy crazy day.. (dance, pack meeting, dance, city league basketball [Davy, not me!], Chelsea on a date..) When am I supposed to make dinner?? (I won't even get into how I only have 1 point left.. gotta love the WW)..

I DID go out to lunch with the more mobile Elissa.. (went to the bathroom in Red Robin in 4 minutes, yes, I timed her..)

I DID drink 5 Diet Cokes with my lunch at Red Robin..

I DID go visiting teaching..

I DID go to the grocery store..

I DID order American Girl bunk beds for Valentine's Day for my girlies..

..could my life BE any more exciting?..

Kid jokes..

Now, you may be expecting some lame jokes my girls have told me.. 

And they do tell me.. 

Really..

Lots..

The problem is, I was realizing this morning (as Adi was telling me a joke) that I simply don't listen to them.. Like at all.. Like at all, at all..

I have a "laugh" that my girls just expect when they tell me a joke.. I don't even try to do a real laugh.. Its more an annoyed courtesy laugh..

I don't think they're offended, or anything ::whew!::.. But, they're just in that phase where they're trying to tell jokes, and half the time they tell it wrong, they don't get it themselves, or worst of all - they made it up!..

But I was kinda feeling bad about it this morning.. How sad that mom can't even remember (and she's even trying) the joke you just told her.. I hope I'm not totally alone in this, but I'm having some very minor guilt about it.. 

Believe me, I'm not going to lose any sleep about this, but it was one of those "light bulb" moments, and it made me just a little sad.. My poor little aspiring comedians, with a very unappreciative audience.. 

I will try a little harder on this one.. 

Alert!!! :)

My friends, he's branching out.. Due to the relentless mocking (mostly from me, but I had help) Davy decided yesterday to get brave..  "Do you think I can eat tortellini?" Then, when he miraculously survived that lunch I got a call last night.. "What about a soft taco from Taco Bell?" Yes, Davy is living on the wild side.. He just asked me if he could eat a Ritz cracker (I love that he gave me the brand).. When I laughed and rolled my eyes he said something to this effect.. "You tell all your friends in blogging world I have lost 10 pounds!! I am doing GREAT on my New Year's Resolutions!" .. Now, I will mock.. Was his New Year's resolution being on a soft (in theory) food diet? Was his New Year's resolution to get his wisdom teeth out? (the answer=no!) Okay, I'll stop there.. :)  

Now, on a completely different topic, 2 funny stories:

1. We have been trying to eat better the last few days.. Really trying to cut down on the snacking.. My kids are big snackers.. Well, my friend Angie was driving Savannah to dance, and this is what Savannah was saying to the girls in the car.. 

"Guess what my mom gave me for lunch today? Picture a sandwich.. Now picture 1/2 a sandwich! That was it! She also gave me a bag of carrots!! Then she gave me these little crunchy diet crispy things.. They were disgusting!! And a water bottle!! Can you imagine me with a water bottle?" 

She is wacky.. (especially since she helped me pack her lunch..)

2. Last night the girls were sitting at the table doing homework and having one of their odd conversations.. 

S: Adi, in your future you will have 28 children, and the oldest one will be 7..

long pause..

A: I hate my future..

(made even funnier because Adi doesn't say her r's)

Those little girls make me laugh..

Things I feel the need to share..

*see edit below*

• Can I tell you how much I love boots? (This is in terms of my little girls) Well, in general, way cute, and I looked for them early enough in the season that both little girls have some we like!.. But the best part? Our socks don't have to match! Now, I promise if you were to check, both Savannah and Adi have matching socks on today (well, they match eachother).. You have to know, socks at my house are an endangered species, and are often called (by me) the bane of my existence.. We have issues keeping track of socks.. But with boots? No one knows if your socks match! -your outfit or each other! Boots - they are a beautiful thing, and save my sanity almost daily..
• Soft foods - So SICK of the soft food diet.. I gave Davy cream of chicken soup on Sunday, you would have thought it was chili.. He was terrified of those tiny pieces of chicken.. He couldn't really find much to eat at work that worked with his psycho version of a soft food diet.. "I only have raspberry yogurt, and I'm worried about those seeds.." He was giddy about having some Cream of Wheat at work, but Byron didn't make Cream of Wheat today "Oatmeal? Too chunky.. It could get down in my.." (He prefers not to take this thought any farther.. He doesn't know where it could go, but he doesn't want it there..) I went and bought him some CoW and you would have thought he was a 6 year old on Christmas morning "Mmmm.. It looks SO good.." I agree, just looking at a big bowl of CoW - so divine! (ha!) I think he was happy to eat it, but not sure it was as delectable as he had imagined - I didn't get any rave reviews after he ate it..
• Food Network - For some sadistic reason, this is the channel Davy got into all weekend while he couldn't eat anything real.. All through dinner he told me all of the new foods that he has never had, that he is craving.. Great.. We're doing good to have normal dinner at all, let alone Food Network food.. (shoot me now)
• Little girl fears - ONE time at the beginning of the year, I was about 5 minutes late picking Adi up from dance.. It might as well been an hour, AND maybe she was left alone in the cold and dark.. In reality, she sat and watched the next dance class inside.. Well, needless to say, she has not forgotten this. Luckily, we quickly fixed (okay, not fixed, but put a band-aid on it) this.. Savannah goes and watches her class so Adi isn't alone.. There have been no tears on Tuesdays since we started this.. Forward to today.. Savannah has Activity Days today (in the past they have been on Wed).. Lets just say there is a 7 year old girl whose world is crumbling.. When I wake her in the morning, she is always happy and sweet and generally asks "What today is it?" Not today.. She opened her eyes, her face crumbled, and she cried, "I want Savannah to go to dance with me!" UGH.. (and how is that her very first waking thought?) Can't wait until 3:30 - haha..
•  I need a USB cable.. I went and bought a new printer last night.. On the instructions it says "May include USB cable".. of course mine didn't, and when I told Davy he said, "We have tons of USB cables!" Well, I can't find one, and I really need to print up my cub scout schedule.. And a resume for Chelsea.. And.. (lets just say, there's a list)
• Next Blog - have you ever hit that? Up at the top of your blog? It completely confuses me! How is this the "next blog"? Really! Today, for example, the first was in, say, Italian, (I am such a linguist) the next Russian, (pretty sure) then Spanish.. Once I tried it and every one was in Chinese (or some other oriental language) AND each time you look at this, it is different! This confuses me.. Why is it there? Does anyone care about the Next Blog? Is the Next Blog useful to anyone?

Apparently, I'm having issues..

I went on to thecutestblogontheblock.com to change my background.. It won't let me! On either computer, it says I need to sign in & have credentials? Now, I know I'm bad at this, so I went to Pyzam.com to do one of theirs.. all that one does is put the whole script on my sidebar.. Not happy! So, rather than have a white blog, I chose a premade Blogger background for the time being.. I'm a little sad right now..

Davy.. a boy and his teeth..

*see edit below*

For anyone who has been keeping track, you may know Davy went to the dentist this week.. for the first time since his pre-mission check.. (circa February 1986) egad.. One of the things they didn't take care of before he left? Wisdom teeth.. What is that? Isn't that a sign of a young man close to heading out in the field? Getting those out? Maybe its just me.. Anyhoo.. He has been super nervous.. Luckily, we have an incredibly nice dentist, and Chelsea frequently reminds Davy that our dentist is hott.. I think that really helped..

So, after Tuesday's x-rays and cleaning, he was referred to a dental surgeon, 1. to pull a tooth he broke in half a couple months ago and 2. a consult on his wisdom teeth..

Today was the appointment.. I've been trying to talk Davy out of being put under just to pull a tooth.. He was putting on his brave face, but would get pale and nauseous whenever this conversation started.. (he claims to have this high threshold of pain, but when it comes to dentist stuff, he's 6 again.. when I'd try to tell him it wasn't that bad, he'd say "You're tough! You've pushed babies out of your vagina!" Ah, doesn't he have a way with words..) so, as we're driving over he asks if they decide to take his wisdom teeth out too, could he be put under.. 2 feelings.. 1. Am I the mean nazi wife that he thinks wouldn't let him be put out for wisdom teeth? ::sad:: and 2. If they take your wisdom teeth? Where did this come from? Not at all expecting him to get his wisdom teeth out! How does he not tell me this? (I'm sure his mom and sister are not surprised to hear this at all.. He tends to forget to tell me important things..)

So to make my long story longer.. They pulled his broken tooth, removed 3 impacted wisdom teeth, (the 4th is laying sideways on the nerves, so they're leaving it alone) and pulled another impacted molar (and somewhere in there he got a bone graft).. As the doctor said, "We put him through the ringer.. but he put us through the ringer, too!"

Needless to say.. He's a mess! He has to be on a soft diet for at least a week.. I will be curious how long it takes him to get back to somewhat normal.. Poor baby.. 

Just for the record.. The girls in this family go to the dentist regularly (even if they procrastinated a dental implant.. they still go)

And.. little girls home from school AGAIN today.. ::sigh::

Edit: k, so Davy heard that there was a picture of him on the blog, and came in to see.. wasn't exactly pleased :) but he did have me laughing so hard, and one point calling me Kit Kittredge: American Girl (we didn't even see that movie) and then he topped it off by telling me he looked like the pictures of when they killed Saddam Hussien's sons.. 

It's just one of those days! ..ugh..

So, I wake up the girls this morning and GUESS WHAT? 2 girls with pinkeye! Oh my heck! Adi went to school yesterday, just fine, (congested.. not a pinkeye symptom) she is full on cruddy again! Now, Savannah is very mild, but still! Don't they realize this is one of those crazy weeks? I have got SO LITTLE done! (I know I had yesterday, but I was visiting Elissa, she slipped in her kitchen on the 29th.. broke both her tibia AND her fibula.. one a compound fracture.. So, I was like, doing service! My laundry had to wait..) 

Here is my day.. 

• Chelsea haircut at 11
• work on Savannah's science fair project (experiment was supposed to be done yesterday.. we're close, we just need some cookie tasters), 
• Savannah's county report due tomorrow! (why are these so close? 4th grade is breaking me this week)
• den meeting (yes, I'm a wolf leader--2 new partners with 10 kids all under 8 between them-not a joke, and each with a 5 month old..) so we're doing scouts at 7.. I'm trying to have a good attitude, they're doing this so they don't have to bring all their kiddos.., 
• laundry.. so behind (enough said there)
• Davy has a dentist appointment Friday and wants to be put under, trying to convince him its NOT necessary.. this is the guy who wants to be put under for a cleaning..
• Supposed to be going to the Jazz game tonight.. Dang, probably the only one I'll get to this year, but have scouts.. Maybe the sick kids excuse?
• Oh ya.. Call the scouts to tell them we're now meeting at 7 (used to meet at 4)
• Get my dang printer to work (k, I won't really work on this, but I will be angry because it isn't working)
• Find the memory card for my camera.. I'm hoping its in my purse
• Pick up prescription for Davy
• I'm sure there's more, but I'm in denial because I'm looking at this list and wanting to go lay in bed!

Now, I'm sure I sound all disorganized (okay, I am) but now you have to hear my day yesterday..

• 12:30 visit Elissa (see above) til 3:00
• Drive 1 mile, taking much longer because of mucho snow (by the way YAY!)
• 3:30 girls get home, jump in my car, head to Adi's dance class
• Go to post office, send letters to missionary
• 4:30 pick up from dance
• Get home (about 4:45), start making 2 batches of cookies for science fair project
• 4:50 Davy gets home from dentist, report on his trauma (ha!)
• Baking, mixing
• Davy leaves for Stake meetings
• 5:45 leave to take Savannah & carpool to dance
• 6:00 arrive at Walgreens to pick up Davy's prescription, which of course isn't ready, deal with them trying to get our insurance info entered (of course it was called in to a pharmacy I'd never gone to!)
• While there, buy haircolor for Chels, and get stuff for she and her friend to ask guys to a school dance (Morp) THIS Friday (see? procrastination is hereditary!) Go back to pharmacy, still not ready..
• Leave to pick up dance girls (done at 7:15)
• Get home, begin supervised baking again, get little girls doing homework, advise/supervise Chelsea with Morp items..
• Chelsea leaves for doorbell ditching
• Feed little girls frozen burritos.. (it is 8:15)
• Hear Chelsea and Sarah's doorbell ditching adventure (really quite funny)
• Put little monkey children to bed
• Color Chelsea's hair
• Finish cookie baking (finally)
• Help Chelsea dry hair
• Davy gets home (10:00)
• Now, sit and watch Friends with Chelsea and Davy

Wow, I may have used my daily allotment of bullet points today.. Wish me luck!

*edit - I got brave and called my fellow den leaders and told them I'm going to the Jazz game.. Yay me! Points for bravery..*

Back to reality..

Well, here we are, January 5th, back to real life.. For some of the Walkers, I guess.. Isn't this just the way it works? Chelsea, of course, has not been real excited about school starting back up.. She is all about sleeping in and no homework.. Savannah will say she's not excited, but I think she really is.. She has a GREAT teacher, and I know she misses some of her school friends.. Then there is Adi, who is DYING for school to start.. LOVES school, LOVES her teacher, LOVES her friends, LOVES being on a schedule.. As we were getting ready for bed last night (at 7! Yay!) I thought I saw the beginnings of pinkeye (glassy, goopy, PINK) in my little gal.. I promptly gave her some drops and said a little prayer that it would be cleared up by morning..

Cut to this morning, fingers crossed, entering the little girls' bedroom.. to find a 7 year old with her eyes crusted shut.. ::dang:: Needless to say she was heartbroken.. Sorry about the picture quality, its from my phone.. (the tears! I can't stand it!)

Poor little thing! Isn't that sad? It doesn't really show the crusty/pink, but definitely portrays the sorrow.. Why does it seem to work out that way? The one who is genuinely excited to head back to school is the one now cozily laying in my bed watching Playhouse Disney.. (I did go get her some McD breakfast, a tiny reward for a bad morning..)

So.. My tree(s) taking down may have to wait.. Ugh.. I hate this chore, and feel like I just barely put them up!